I'm not doing group anymore. I lasted three months, which is three months longer than I would have last year and three months longer than I thought I would. I'm overwhelmingly relieved but at the same time, I feel like I've failed myself and my therapist by giving up. Things sort of came to a head a couple of weeks ago, when one of the other women tried to manipulate me into doing something she wanted me to do, and then said, among other things, that she didn't trust me not to judge her because I'm a Mormon. Hello, irony. She judged me to be incapable of not judging her, based solely on whatever screwed up idea she has of What Mormons Are. Clearly she's had some run-ins with less than Christ-like members, but so what? So have I. There are morons and jerks and hypocrites in every religion, and Mormons are not the Borg. Most of us don't check our brains at the door, and I'll guarantee you that my opinions and perspective are different from any other person's, let alone any other Mormon's, because I am not them. Rar.

Clearly I am not over this.

I thought I was. I thought I had worked through my reactions, thought I truly understood that this was her problem, her issues, and not really about me at all. And maybe I have more than I think, but last week I literally felt myself closing off as soon as I heard her voice. I can't make any progress when I'm shut down like that. I'll go back to one-on-one sessions as soon as I can get over my embarrassment at bailing enough to make an appointment with him. He's fantastic. He said he's committed to me. I don't know which is more surprising to me - that he said it, or that I believe he means it.