My youngest sister is going in for in vitro in a couple of weeks. I think I faked interest well enough when I was talking to my mom, but I don't want to hear about it. I can't be excited or hopeful for her at all. Her wedding was the hardest for me to take, and so will any pregnancies she manages. Which, she may not, and she'll have to take a crap load of hormones to maintain the pregnancy if it takes. She's ten years younger than I am, and obnoxious and abrasive and incredibly difficult to deal with, and it feels so unfair that she's married and might have kids and I'm not and don't. I don't seem to be able to be an adult about this, or about her.

The Wellbutrin isn't working yet. October 6th can't get here soon enough. I'm not really excited about talking to the doctor again because he's weird, but I expect he'll increase my dosage. I hope. Also, I am slowly accepting the fact that I'm going to have to see a neurologist. I've never had two migraines in one week before and it sucks.

Time sure flies when you're going insane

• I seriously seriously want management to pull their collective heads out and realize that punishing people for efficiency is probably not the best way to, you know, promote efficiency.
• My brother's dog died unexpectedly. She was fine Monday morning, violently ill Monday afternoon and dead by 8:30. The vet said that when they go that fast, it's usually poison, but the bloodwork didn't show anything. They don't know what happened. My nephew keeps telling his mother that she needs to die so she can go to heaven and bring Ellie back. My brother and his wife are both devastated.
• I started Wellbutrin yesterday. I just simply can't cope without help any more, and after discussing it with my therapist (who thinks America is over-medicated and rarely suggests drugs) we decided to try it. It's intended to be a temporary boost while I work through my therapy. I was not terribly impressed with the psychiatrist, and honestly, would probably go to a GP if I had it to do over again, but he gave me the prescription, only charged me a co-pay, and wants to see me in a month to gauge how effective the low dose he started me on is. He thinks we'll end up increasing it, because it's rare for someone to respond to 100mg, but it can be overstimulating and so it's better to start small and work up if necessary.
• My friends are driving up from San Diego this weekend. We'll take the one's son to see the dinosaur tracks and then watch the new Supernatural dvds I got Tuesday and be fangirls together. I am really excited. They were going to come a couple of weeks ago but had to cancel last minute, and I'm so grateful they were able to reschedule. I've missed them a lot.