dilemmas, i have them

First, I am sincerely perplexed by something my brother told me yesterday. He has a friend S. I can't remember if he was actually Dave's companion or just in his mission area. I'm pretty sure they at least did splits, but it's not really relevant. Point is, they've been friends since their mission. I don't know what it is about S, but he's been my favorite of Dave's friends. I know he went through a rough spot awhile back, I have the impression he's doing better, but I don't know any details. I'm not entirely sure I would recognize him if I passed him on the street (but that's my own issue - I honestly don't retain faces right away and it takes several times seeing someone before I remember what they look like) but I think about him and worry a little and hope he's happy.

Well, yesterday, in the course of a text conversation, Dave said S always asks about me. It was said in such a casual way that clearly it's a part of Dave's relationship with S, so common that he doesn't even think about it any more. When I said something about it, Dave said again that S always asks about me specifically, that I'm the only one he specifically asks about. I told Dave that S has always been my favorite of his friends and Dave said the feeling is mutual.

Wow, this is an awkward post. Anyway. I don't know how to process that. I don't consider myself all that likeable, much less memorable, and I don't understand why someone I've only met a few times and haven't talked to all the much (which, I don't know how to talk to people, but that's a separate issue) clearly feels that same weird connection that I do. I don't know. *hands*

My other dilemma shouldn't even be an issue. I could easily get $50,000 within the next 6-8 months, but I would have to flat out lie to do it. The chances of getting caught are slim to none. The chances of being punished if I were caught are even less. I'm starting to seriously consider filing for bankruptcy even though I've always considered that to be absolutely abhorrent. It feels like cheating, even though I know for some people it's their only and best option. I'm starting to think it might be my best option, and $50k would fix it. What's the price of integrity? I know people will claim "their" $50k with the same lie I could tell. It feels unfair that doing the right thing might screw me over. I don't know why I'm even struggling with this, because I know I won't do it, but it kind of scares me how much I want to.

I feel irrelevant. It doesn't upset me as much as I think it should.

I'm so disgusted with our president and his party's leaders. In the Twitter townhall, he was asked what he would have done differently to address the recession and he said he would have made more effort to make sure the people understood it would take awhile to fix. Because yeah, that is the problem. The people are so stupid that you weren't able to make them understand your genius plan! It's not because, oh, I don't know - the bigger the government the LOWER the quality of life, the LOWER the effectiveness of its economy, the LOWER the freedom of its people. It's not that you've taxed and regulated businesses to the point that it's more cost-effective to move operations to countries where they can actually run the business. It's not because 51% of people pay NO taxes whatsoever, and the richest people you keep trying to tax find more and more shelters and loopholes the higher their taxes. No. You're denying quantifiable facts, provable facts, and WE are the stupid ones. Newsflash, you dick, your plan ISN'T WORKING.

And Nancy Pelosi! She had the utter gall to smirk at reporters as she drawled that we have reached day 185 of no jobs bill from the GOP controlled House, when we have also reached day EIGHT HUNDRED of no budget proposal whatsoever, which includes time when both the House and Senate were under Democrat control and they could have passed any kind of budget - tax increases and spending increases galore - and FAILED TO DO SO. And when asked recently, Harry Reid said he thought it would IRRESPONSIBLE of the Democrats to propose a budget at this time. Seriously?!? You jump all over Paul Ryan, subject him to any number of personal attacks, accuse him of trying to kill old people because he wants to OH NOES balance the budget and save Medicare, and you fail fail fail EVERY DAY to even propose a budget of your own!

Side note: It is NOT the responsibility of the government to create jobs. That is the responsibility of the private sector, which can actually provide sustainable long-term employment. The GOP understands this. It also understands that it cost $278 million for every job "created" by the stimulus package (which package, incidentally, also paid for the genius program where the US government sold assault weapons to Mexican drug cartels - because nothing could possibly go wrong there, right?). It's actually a good thing the House isn't trying to "create" jobs, Nancy. If you lived in any universe even remotely connected to reality you might understand that.



Never has that been more true. Speaker Boehner said today that we have three problems - a tax problem, a spending problem and a jobs problem. Those three are merely symptoms of our three real problems: a Pelosi problem, a Reid problem and an Obama problem.

Yeah, no. No, no, no. You are the Primary president, not Queen of the Ward. Just because I'm "only" the ward music director doesn't mean that I am retarded or "less" in any way. You cannot - CANNOT - continue to do end-runs around me to get the Primary kids singing in Sacrament meeting and then brush me off like I'm a Sunbeam trying to sit at the adult table when I call you on it. I am more than happy to have other things going on than interminable intermediate hymns, believe me, but just ask me. Do NOT inform me that I will be notified if the grown-ups decide to have the kids sing. Sacrament meeting music is MY responsibility, just like all the ankle-biters are yours. This makes the third month in a row for both the end-run and the Primary number. I will not let you steamroll me. Quiet does not in any way mean spineless.

RAR.

I just want to go home.

The most disgusting bug I have ever seen tried to crawl in under the front door last night. I don't even know what it was.

Oliver wouldn't stop scratching at the door, so I went to see what his problem was and could see feelers of some kind twitching in under the door, which does not fit right in the frame. It creeped me out, a lot. I went and got the Raid, which is supposed to keep things out of the house and which I had sprayed liberally around the front door a few weeks ago. Then I opened the door, and this thing fell in. It looked like a worm with spikes, and it was writhing.

Oliver was fascinated. I was less so. I sprayed the threshold a lot and sprayed the thing and then I used the ice scraper sitting by the front door (don't ask) to fling the thing a good four or five feet. UGH GROSS ICK BLECH

I need a new door that fits. Of course, I need a new lots of things and have no money for any of it, so it all has to wait. In the meantime, I need a thicker kind of tape for my makeshift seal on the bottom of the front door. Maybe a cute color of duct tape. Oliver claws through the packing tape I use now.