your prison is walking through this world all alone

I don't care what anyone says. Life is a two-man job.

better late than never, true, but is half-assed really better than not at all?

I had sort of a random thought last month. I do a lot of whining and focusing on the negative things in my life, and have been encouraged to do a gratitude journal, or even a gratitude list. And I have this blog that I don't post in often, so I thought I could make this a gratitude journal of sorts. I told myself I would post everyday, and not just rattle off a list of things, but choose one thing and talk about it a little. It was going to start on the 1st; it would be my New Year's resolution.

Yeah, not so much.

Instead, I'm going to try to hit something at least once a week. If I do more than that, then more power to me.

So this week, it's my Dad. I'm going through a fair-size disaster entirely of my own making, and instead of reminding me it's my own fault, or being disappointed in me, he has just quietly and matter-of-factly stepped up to help me fix it. His attitude has helped me focus on what I can and need to do instead of wallowing in how incredibly stupid the choices I've made have been. I'm very blessed to be his daughter.

I think one of the very very hardest things about being single is that I really don't have anyone invested in my life on the level a husband would be that I can discuss important things with. I have to decide everything myself, and deal with everything myself, and I'm just tired of it.

I finished my course of antibiotics just in time to start one of steroids. Plus I'm having a nerve conduction test Thursday. That's in addition to the standard chronic headache (which the steroids are an attempt to kick) and the severe back/hip pain I have to walk off every morning.

I want to trade this one in for a newer model. Or at least for one that isn't falling apart.

I always feel overwhelmed. To the point that I sometimes don't even notice it consciously anymore, beyond an increasingly stronger desire to never leave my house. I usually feel pretty stupid, too. I have never felt like such a complete and utter failure before, though. I thought I had, I really did, but no. Apparently not.